Despite What You’ve Been Told, There Are Only 6 Sex Positions

by paige_moomey, 6 years ago | N/A

Don’t try to fix what isn’t broken.

There are only so many ways to stick the straw into a Capri Sun. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how far out of the box you’re thinking—or how impressive your dexterity is—there are situations where we’re fundamentally limited in how we can switch things up. Like sex, for instance.

Cosmo’s love guides may claim to offer “15 Moves Your Man Hasn’t Tried With Anyone Else,” but the reality is, your man probably has. In an attempt to mitigate our fears of coming up short in bed, we’ve “created” endless love-making positions. Or have we?

As gendered beings, there are only so many ways to infiltrate in the act of penetrative heterosexual intercourse— Six ways, to be exact. According to one editor’s analysis, featured in The Cut, everything else is a fancy rendition.

The current and most practiced lineup exists as: Missionary, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy Style, Spooning and Standing—That’s all, folks.

I know what you’re thinking, so allow me to strip you of those suspicions, like Christian Grey stripped down what’s-her-face in the Red Room Of Pain. Remember, 69ing does not fall under the category of “penetrative hetero sex.” (That said, way to go, dude). And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but “The Modern Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to the Secrets of Erotic Pleasure” you bought at a garage sale for $2.99 showcases derivatives of the six aforementioned positions.

For those of you that feel defeated at this notion—don’t! There are still limitless ways to impress your lover that don’t require mad contortion skills.